they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
