i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
