Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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