Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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