well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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