you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
