If i come over, it means nothing
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
