Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
