He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
