I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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