Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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