moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
