I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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