i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
