He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
