I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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