i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
