Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
