So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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