i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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