i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Barsexuality is the new black.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The air taste purple.
Randomize
