Dual....:-)
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
