would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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