Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to make out with him forever
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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