So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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