wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The struggles of a small town man whore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
