I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
