At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
