My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
