ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
