This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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