Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
