i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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