i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
