I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
