Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
