Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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