My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
