Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize