hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I only lived at night.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were trust falling into bushes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
