So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
