the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
