need another drink. this is the easiest way
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
