I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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