Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
