I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Girls should come with a carfax report
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
