So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
