Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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