Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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