you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
