She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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