i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will pee on everything he values.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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