Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
