I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
