Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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