I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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