yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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