Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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