Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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