I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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