i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
