saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it hurts more in the daytime
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
