dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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