...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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