as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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