He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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