Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
