If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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