I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
