i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
