Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
