We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
