Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
