we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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