Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
